Do not adjust your computer monitors......

I'm baaaack! Jeez Louise, it's been a few hasn't it? Well, I intend to get back on the blogging horse....but i am thinking about starting up a new blog....something that represents my personality a bit more perhaps. So..yeah. I also have decided I need to cook a lot more. So I'm gonna start doing that too. I'm also gonna get some health insurance from work. I'm tired of dealing with these bouts of hypochondria when I start to worry about my health. Time for an ear to ankle physical I think. I'm also annoyed because I've been on my longest bout of using my CPAP machine lately and it is NOT helping. My concentration and focus are becoming a bad joke. I'm deathly afraid that soon I'll be watching a rerun of Walker, Texas Ranger and lose track of what's going on. Bastion of intellectual legerdemain that it is.
Nah, that's mean - Chuck Norris had a good show.
Not that it was even close to Magnum, P.I. though. I mean THAT show was cool.
Heh. Higgins.
More to come later party people.

Somebody Set Us Up The Bomb!

Bet'choo people thought I'd duck Josh's tag hmm? Ha HA! Well, since I actually checked blogs today, I'm well equipped to surprise you all! Mwaha..ha.
Let's see here, 4 things that are true, and a 5th thing that is not true. Seems like someone should win a prize if they guess it. Though, I think I should get a prize if they don't guess which of the following entries is pure fancy. Oh well.
A-here we go:

1. I once beat my mother's Scottish Terrier with a plastic wiffle bat until the bat became dented, as I was thoroughly convinced that poor 'Katie' was in fact a crafty and evil Raggedy Andy doll. I had seen Poltergeist earlier. It's an hilarious story that I don't have the space right now to relate to you properly. Ask me about it anytime. . "Carol ANNE!"

2. I was once in this public presentation for school that involved my class to dress in a costume representing a uniform we would wear in the profession that had been picked out for us (Say that three times fast). The theme was something like "Jobs of the future", and I got Engineer/Techie. I had completely managed to block this awfulness from my memory untill the day before. My dad was angry and claimed there was no time to create a set of coveralls for my engineer costume. The answer? Duct tape. Duct tape cover alls. The only thing that kept me from becoming a complete laughing stalk was due to the fact that the duct tape uniform was already scoring pretty high on the freak-o-meter....and I had freaked a growing number of kids and parents so much they actually seemed to like the uniform. All in all though, still pretty traumatic. Rips were easy to patch though...

3. When I applied for my job at SGT in the buisiness plaza area of Dallas, I totally saw William Fichtner in person. He was on a cell phone and everything. The galling part is that all I could think of at the time was, "Hey! Hey, it's that guy who is in movies that I like!" , but at least I didn't actually say that. I felt bad for him cuz he was already getting bugged by people who werent sure where they knew him from, and I could see how that might be uncool. Still, I almost got to talk with him. You keep rockin' Will. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001209/

4. When I was a young lad, my mother says that I came home hysterical one day, because I was certain a biker kid up the street had exposed himself to me, and while I vaguely remember this dude, I don't recall *anything* else about him. Apparently it might have happened several times. But seriously, my mental door must be well hinged and oiled, cuz it must have just slammed shut on this one. Which, while fascinating, is not something I'm really sure bothers me in this case.
5. Most of you probably know that I have a slightly irrational fear of...toads. Yeah, so, *shiver* did you also know I am absolutely, positively, completely terrified by moths? Gah.
Especially those big tree moths. Bleh. "Polly Shouldn't Be!"

Numina-ly I wouldn't complain....

Normally I wouldn't complain, cuz people take those God and Jesus fellas pretty seriously, but I've found that I must get something off my chest. You see, at my job, there are several vociferous co-workers there who seem to think that I could solve a lot of my problems with a jump on to the Christian band wagon. Baptist even. The Bible, it is implied, is the one book missing from my library. When I make the polite shoulder shrug, these people laugh and say I'll come around- then they'll point out that..Gosh, I'm so smart and I've got so much I could contribute. Well, here's the deal. I am not religious. I have some key problems with religion. For example - faith. Now I understand the concept of faith. The problem is, it can't really be applied to your daily life in anything but small doses, because as Webster's points out, faith is belief that is not based on proof. Faith is also defined as "in truth" or the trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures by which humans are justified or saved. Kind of strange huh? If we go with the definition I picked out, and then take a head nod at "in truth" then trust is asking a lot isn't it? Don't get me wrong, my personal issues with commitment aren't the only thing holding me back. I'm also dubious of any text that people tell me preaches love and understanding, but then encourages the people who tell me these things to form groups to support anti gay, abortion, or racial harmony movements. Sure, some will be quick to point out that a group can't speak for a whole movement, but then we start drawing political parallels don't we?
At my work though, there are people who wish for me to have a blessed day. This vexes me. It's also an indication of the problem here. You could get me to concede that the universe may have been created by something god-like. I don't have much of a problem with this, it's got a good beat and I can dance to it. But then there are people who want me to believe that, not only did this God create the universe, he then rushed along and created Earth and took this big vested interest in events here. A little egotistical of man, but then man is the instrument of God. Ok. Then when The Bible was created. I'm ok with this. I like books. The Bible even has some ideas in there that seem like good sense to me. I probably shouldn't covet my neighbor's wife. Right on, sounds like good advice. Except that there are people who say it is not advice. I need to listen or I will go to Hell. But what if I already have a sound moral compass? My Mother and Father, despite any other mistakes were pretty quick to hand me one, and they never dangled Eternal Damnation over my head if I didn't snap to. They were progressive like that. But you know what really gets me? The people at work telling me I need to get religious fast, are the same people who take everything the bible says at literal value.
Wow.
It's not ok for me to draw a correlation between the creation of Adam and Eve and actual Evolution ( Eh, we capitalize Bible a lot). It offends these people when I imply maybe the whole "made from mud and clay" bit might somehow be metaphorical. I mean when someone says "A mighty fortress is our God", he doesn't just start making clacking noises and transform into Ft. Knox does he? I hope not. That's off putting. Some of my co-workers also tell me that they would embrace science if it could explain things....Like reproduction. They don't wanna hear any noise about Fallopian tubes either. Go figure. But the thing that really sticks in my craw, is where they imply my life will improve if I just start praying. So here's the deal. You know why something improved for you when you prayed on that job interview the night before? You used your own skills, your own intelligence, and your *own* initiative to get it done. That's not God people. That's you. But my co-workers are comforted by this idea. Which I guess will make it easier if they ever need to grieve because it wasn't really the drunk driver's fault, it was "God's plan." Which sometimes gives me this mental picture of God and the Devil playing "Go Fish".
"Got any 7's ? "
I'm not saying my life is great, but shouldn't I work on it for me, before I resort to asking deities for help? God's supposed to help those who help themselves?
Please not that most of your "fringe" religions don't bother me at all. I guess cuz they are on the fringe. Also, Mormon's are surprisingly unassuming, and like super polite. No, really. Hare Krishnas are ok too. THAT's mainly just lip service though. But seriously. I don't want to piss off any group that voluntarily sings and visits airports all day.
Have a decent day people.

Bees are on the what now?

Apologies friends! I was using the broken arm comment as a metaphor describing the damage my car suffered (I.E. broken bones and possible internal bleeding) compared to the damage suffered by the other fellows car (A bloodied nose). I had thought I was being clear, but several people were concerned. So, I am whole of body. Matter of fact, I could probably lose a few pounds. Being fat was all well and fun when my metabolism was a little faster, but now that the ol' buffet buster is slowing down, well, it makes it harder to enjoy those Fritos. Speaking of Fritos, I have been on this super heavy Fritos kick lately. I need to nip that in the bud. Fritos are almost like anti nutrition. It's amazing how much salt and grease they can actually pack into one bag of those tasty little guys. You guys ever go into a snack trance? I mean I haven't done that in years, but the earlier today...I dunno...That satisfying crunch, coupled with the delicious salted corn- I got through a third of the bag before it occurred to me to pace myself. The weirdest thing about this chip eating, is I am not usually a big chip fan. I mean I like them, but it seems like in the last two months I've been eating chips like they were going out of style.
This brings me to my other problem....I am NOT busy enough at work. I mean, I love my gig, do not get me wrong, it's great. I mean I get paid to do very few things. BUT, that means that 65-75% of my shift (though its gotten better) is devoted to me staring at a monitor screen and trying to remember to move some. No exercise, and to keep myself up, I drink sodas and eat sweet shit. Which is actually getting old. Rapidly. I know! I know! Trust me! I am *not* looking a gift horse in the mouth, but neither do I have a stable to put said gift horse in, so it and I sort of just glance sheepishly at each other.
Regardless of the important issues just discussed, I hope you are all doing well. Shemsi, you're not a suck friend. But...One of you IS. Mwahahahahahahahahhahahaha!

Well, fuck.

I was in a car accident just before 12am. It was my fault, regardless of the factors involved. The other person's car has the equivalent of a black eye, I suffered a broken arm and possible internal bleeding car wise. Physically I am a little shaken, but otherwise unharmed, the other driver is ok as well. This is just to let people know what happened to me, I'm sure you can all understand if I don't want to make a super long post about it. I'm feeling kind of like the world's biggest asshole, but otherwise I'm surprisingly calm. I don't have much else to say. Wait, no, I still have one good "FUCK!" left in me. Ok. Yeah. That about sums it up.

In Which A Long Gap Of Time Is Condensed

Yeah, I know right? Quite the dry spell. I could not for the life of me decide there was anything I wanted to blog about. It was weird. But that's neither here nor there, let's move on.
I quit my old crappy security job. I know! Yaaaaaay! I had finally had enough of that happy horse shit. So I went and got myself another job! That's right! Who needs 'em! Turned in my two weeks notice, filled out an application for my new job and everything. It was a surprisingly fluid transition.
So, yeah I got another job, like I said, and I'll be damned if I allow anyone to jerk me around at this job.
That having been said, this security job is much better than my last. Heh. They even pay me more money. Plus, when they screw me, they at least seem apologetic. You'd be surprised how much that helps. The really amusing thing about my job is that, while I feel I'm getting a better deal, I actually do less at my new job than I did at my last job. Though, I get to wear a 100% polyester blazer while I am at my job. That does at times suck up a storm. I mean, it's 100% people! Most of you have probably been there! You don't know whether to move as little as possible, or go out and fight crime, because surely such an uncomfortable fabric was meant to be used as a bulletproof, flame resistant fabric as is only fit for a hero's rugged life. Sadly. It is neither, and merely accomplishes being overly warm. Hot even. Like I was saying though, considering most of my job consists of patrolling a building with an A.C. of Asgardian proportions (Cold is the new warm!) the gig isn't exactly taxing. I patrol the Cafeteria building, so that amounts to two floors I walk, and if I really stretch it out it takes about 15 minutes. That's if I'm really stretching too. I check doors to make sure they are locked, kitchen appliances to make sure they are working, or that the appliances that shouldn't be on are off, I walk the new office area being put in, and I occasionally go into The Catacombs. This is a claustrophobic set of stairs that leads low and back into the loading and car storage dock under building 7. The stair well is not well lit at all, but the dock area proper is. Regardless, there are so many nooks and crannies there, I generally start daydreaming about having a can of mace or something. Whole area has a very "L.A.R.P." Feeling about the place. I keep expecting to walk into one of the rooms and see a very shocked 33 year old virgin with his hands crisscrossed in front of him and screaming "I'm invisible, you can't seeeeeeeeeee meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!" as I kick his sorry ass out.
Otherwise, pretty much no other real big news in my life. I've been playing more video games, and reading a little more of this and that, though primarily a lot of Heinlen. Right now I'm reading Tokyo Suckerpunch. The verdict? Not too shabby at all. On my 1-10 as a book? 7. Good pacing, nice setting of tone, and characters that are fantastic, but still oddly believable. Western and Eastern cultures strike me as probably one of your more difficult synergies to create, and Isaac Adamson does an admirable job, especially when he seems to also be injecting quite a bit of very enjoyable "pulp noir". On my 1-10 for witty repartee? Like, a 9. There are just some great moments in this book. Huh. That was almost a book review. Oh dear. You'll hear from me soon about some of the things I've found funny later. You know. In my blog. Salute!

Survey Says

Ok, hold the show. Before we get started here, I need to get something off my chest. I hate emails of any kind that imply I am going to suffer some form of bad luck or something because I didn't fill out a survey or forward an email a friend sent me. I mean, golly, I despise the whole idea. I'm a nuerotic person for Jeebus's sake. I don't need that kind of pressure, especially since I will just feel tricked. I'm despicably lazy- that's a fact. But another contributing factor to the "Well I won't be surprised if DAVE won't send this back" way of things is: Someone lied to me. Oh no you say? Oh no? Do I send people emails that tell them they suck? No. Because that's mean. I also don't send people emails that call for participation. It's like if a televangelist called you and asked why you couldnt send any money. There are feelings of guilt, a vague sense of betrayal that your friend would do this thing to you, and a general sense of failed promise for the email itself. Now I'm sure some of you might think I'm being just a little bit hard on the subject matter here, but it's something I had to go off on at least once. Also, if you send me an email survey, and it goes down to the part where it asks who you think will send it back, don't further the hurt by not even mentioning. I mean, you sent it to me. It had that annoying message at the end, did you just do it for kicks? All that having been said, in a completely uninspired turn of unoriginality, I have decided to do several surveys my friends have sent me. At this point you're probably curious as to why I bitched about it to begin with if I was just gonna chump it up and do some? Well, the disdain is still there, but on some level I suppose it *is* kind of interesting. Ur help me. Here we go:
1. What time is it? 3:25 AM.
2. Name: David
3. Piercings? No, but I mull it over every once in awhile.
4. What is the most recent movie that you saw in theater? Uh, Brokeback Mountain. What? Everyone was doing it.
5. Place of birth: Ft.Worth
6. Favorite Foods: Most of them. Oh, and burritos. Burritos are ingenious.
7. Ever been to Africa: No. That's where we get all the sicknesses. No offense to Africa.
8. Ever been toilet-papering: Nah.

9. Love someone so much it made you cry: Yeah.

10. Been in a car accident: Yes.
11. Croutons or bacon bits? Croutons. My salads could always use more crunch.

12. Favorite day of the week: Whatever day I don't work.

13. Favorite Restaurant: Chipotle. Mmm.

14. Favorite Flower: Cherry Blossoms I think.

15. Favorite sport to watch: Olympic ping pong is great once they really get going. The Chinese just do not like to loose at that either.

16. Favorite drink: Dr.Pepper. Cherry Coke too. Man I loves me some Cherry coke.
17. Favorite ice cream: Phish Food - Ben and Jerry's.

18. Disney or Warner Brothers: Disney.

19. Favorite fast food restaurant: Chipotle.

20. What color is your bedroom carpet? Once it was tan.

21. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Driver's test? Oh yeah. I did pretty well.
22. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail: hi5.

23. What do you do most often when you are bored: You're looking at a good example. I play a lot of games too though.
24. When is bedtime? It varies. I'm afraid I'm not very practical.

25. Who is the person most likely to respond to this e-mail the quickest? HA. It's not an e-mail! But to answer your question I dunno.

26. Whose responses to this questionnaire are you the most curious about? Jesus's.

27. Favorite TV shows: Buffy, Firefly, Arrested Development, Angel, House, Robot Chicken.


28. Last person you ate with: Josh!

29. Ford or Chevy: Ford?
30. What are you listening to right now? My A/C.

31. What is/are your favorite color's): I like Blues, Greens, and Browns.

32. How many tattoos do you have: None. I am not a rebel.

33. How many pets do you have: 1. Rocket is so fat.

34. Which came first, the chicken or the egg: I dunno, and I don't appreciate questions like that. I'm bound to ponder it the next time I eat an omlette.

35. How many people are you sending this e-mail to: None! Ha ha!

36. What's the last thing you think at night? It varies. There's always that vague sensation of pleasure that I get to sleep.

37. What time did you finish this questionnaire? 3:43 AM.

And, alike so:

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? David Stuart Guest
2. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING? Blue.
3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Computer hum.
4. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? An Orange. That poor bastard didn't stand a chance.
5. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Yes, and no I won't tell you what I wished. Don't be rude.
6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Cyan.
8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My mom.
9. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? They are medium pimpin', yes.
10. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? I want to believe you care, but all you want is answers from me.
11. FAVORITE DRINK? Dr.Pepper! No, wait- Cherry Cola! No! Pepper! No, Cherry coke! No, hold on......
12. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Mandarin vodka and sprite.
13. FAVORITE SPORT? I dunno. Most electronic sports suck. Why are you looking at me like that? Oh fine. If I had to really choose...uh, soccer. Sure. Soccer. Good ol' football.
14. CONTACTS OR GLASSES? Glasses.
15. # OF SIBLINGS? 1.
16. FAVORITE MONTH? November.
17. FAVORITE FOOD? Burritos.
18. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? The Fog.
20. WHAT DO YOU DO TO VENT? I play violent video games, or I rant.
21. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? G.I. Joe.
22. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter.
23. HUGS OR KISSES? Both, as long as it's not like family reunion style.
24. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Again, I'm going with both.
25. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO REPLY? "THE POWER IS THEIR'S!"
26. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Couldn't say.
27. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Why be pessimistic?
28. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS? Apartment and 1 roommate.

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I'm not sure. I know it was during a movie on TV though.
30. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? Comics, some trash.....aaaaand....a yellow cup.
31. WHO IS THE FRIEND YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST? Probably Josh. He's cool like that.
32. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? Watched movies.
33. FAVORITE SMELL? New clothes smell.
34. WHO INSPIRES YOU? Money, My brother, 3rd world kids that smile, My friend Josh, My friend Andy, My order taker at Chipotle, My mom, Neil Gaiman, Superman, my muse.
35. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? Zombies! But not really anymore. My friends have been providing a steady support group for years.
37. FAVORITE CAR OR TRUCK: A midnight blue 1969 El Camino with chrome siding, rims, and blue plush interior.
38. FAVORITE FLOWER? I'm certain the Sunflower isn't it, but for some reason it's the one jumping out to the front of my brain right now.
39. NUMBER OF KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING? Strangely enough, I'm not quite certain. Huh. I think I have like 4 keys rockin on the ring right now. What am I? A doctor?
40. CAN YOU JUGGLE? I can make the attempt. Does that count?
41. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK? I guess I'll always love Saturday some.
42. WHAT DID YOU DO ON YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY? Had dinner with my family, and then later on my friends gave me *further* props. Good times.
43. DO YOU OWN A DONOR CARD? No. Do I get a discount on organs if I have one? I should probably get one though.
44. FAVORITE ANIMAL? Ocelots, Pandas, Penguins, and Puppies are all high on the list. today however, I'm in a Wallaby kind of mood. Hop, hop, hop.
45. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT? I imagine it might be Japan. I've never been there, but I keep planning on vacationing there at some point.
46. FAVORITE AGE? Depends on what she tells me. "Aha ha h.....*sigh*"
47. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Game Informer.
48. FAVORITE WEB SITE? IMDB! I'd try to pretend something else, but who ARE we kidding?
49. FAVORITE SOAP OPERA? Passions. For purely Buffy reasons though.
50. FAVORITE LANGUAGE OTHER THAN ENGLISH? I do enjoy me some Japanese.
51. DO YOU YAHOO? Sometimes, but only cuz the other kids said it was cool.
52. HAVE YOU? Laws yes. M-O-O-N that spells debilitating social disorder. Just kidding. PM me if you didn't like that.