I'd like to have a word with people who enjoy multiplayer online games. Well, perhaps two words: Eat me. Why the bitter sentiment you ask? Because. people have a tendency to let hypocrisy rule their judgement. I am as guilty of it as anyone else. Yet, one of the few times that it really and TRULY gets my goat is when L33T_Sh00T3R berates me for being a "newb" and not mastering the game the moment I logged on. As if by some miracle, our numbers-for-letters friend was not at some point in time a new player himself. Also, I'm not entirely certain people realize these games I speak of are, in fact, JUST games. Take Counter Strike for example. While I suppose its vaguely possible, I dont think that Al Qaeda terrorists are actually logging on as the terrorist faction, while I, in my minimum wage slacker glory, take up arms agaisnt them. No one is going to die. No priceless artifacts are being destroyed..... So when I decide to break left with MadMatador and GuNFrEnZy, I don't get it when Dr.Glock screams at me to "Stay with the GRRRRROOOOOOUUUUUUPPP!!!". Especially when, minutes later, he's mowed down in a hail of cyber terrorist gun fire. And the stats these people keep! Woe and peril befall the person that
Doesnt have more than 2 kills per death. Or that you spent 30 more rounds chopping some poor schmoe's body and half than you had to. You know. because in real life all of that matters.
These are just some of the problems I have with online SHOOTERS. Let us now delve briefly into the strangeness that hath been dubbed the MMORPGs. When I choose to indulge myself in games tabletop, video, or otherwise....I like to have some sort of power. Note that I need not be power*ful*, though that has its appeal as well, it's just that I need some ability or trait that sets me apart from the NPC that just took most of the money I had earned by killing the surrounding indigenous wildlife and exchanging it for a shoddy leather cap. Thats not very empowering is it? Thus armored in the equivalent of my T shirt, pajama pants,silly hat, and shoes that are in fact NICER than my real ones..I set off to gain "levels". What shall I use for a weapon....hmm...yes this branch will do.....Sorry, I mean "club". So armed with club and my cloth armor, I bring swift retribution to all Large Rats, Skeletons, Bats,and other Assorted Vermin. After a short time, I get a level. Having received this boon for my efforts, I suddenly gain hit points, and competency in mundane skills and professions of my choosing. And what an assortment to choose from! Baking! Smithing! Swimming! Running! I make sport of this because, it seems slightly silly.
Sure, this is a game. I get that. Certain things have to be taken into account, in an effort to provide some semblance of believability. I comprehend this as well. But. I don't need to swat at a man sized aggressor four times in order to hit him once.
Im pretty sure I could hit with just the one go. Im all for the powers that be to tell me I didnt do much damage, because in real life im quite the pansy, HOWEVER, I could still hit said humanoid.
Much less a large rat. Because, well, large rats are creepy, and if one were coming at me, I imagine my proficiency with a club would rise to meet the challenge. Also, i'm not down with these quests they come up with. Go to city. Talk to merchant. Learn about Merchant's daughter. She has been kidnapped. Go to City B ( a continent away). Talk to Guild Thief. Guild Theif wants Gem. Go to City C (an island this time). Talk to Constable Stan. Learn about Mysterious Dungeon. Go to Dungeon. Get Gem. Sorry, Defeat Troll. THEN get Gem. Go to City B...Talk to Thief. Give Gem. Get Daughter back. Go back to Merchant in City A. Get a Leather Shirt, 2oo gold, and here....have another level. Did all that seem dull? It is kind of. Oh. And never ask other people on these servers for help. They are all the White Rabbit. They all are late for a vital appointment you are keeping them from. Some will ridicule you, some will be foreign, and some will roleplay a little too hard. Avoid these last the most avidly if you are new. You need to know where the Guild Hall is, not that you are a Dark Elf hated by High Elves, and that he would rather gut you than speak to you. Stupid High Elf Cleric. Hope he has to be a newbie someday. That'd learn him.. Mrmm..Grfrmph....*mumbles*
12 comments:
i never really noticed it before, but your sense of humor fits perfectly on the internet. starting to remind me of lore from brunching shuttlecocks and bookofratings. i think it might evetually get too big for a little blog. then you'll have to make your own website. then you'll be famous. then you'll be rich. no i take that back, just famous.
I'd say that all my rage at online gaming can be summed up in one statement:
"Josh killed the phone line with Evercrack."
It's a PHONE LINE! I used it for it's intended purpose. It's not my fault it couldn't do it's job. Stupid phone line. As for the blog, I don't think that online and game should be used in the same moniker. Network is okay...I guess. But I dislike chatting up strangers when I have context clues, disembodied words on a screen don't make me feel warm and fuzzy.
honey, does *anything* make you feel warm and fuzzy?
E, booze, hallmark commercials, some disney movies, kittens, The Joy Luck Club, ultimate gestures in movies and novels (heck, I even sighed when Leo died in Titanic. Hope I didn't spoil the movie for anyone), reunions with friends I haven't seen in a long time, TV (on very rare and special occasions), and the endings to a few of the Final Fantasies. See? I'm brimming with fuzziness.
My friends are wierd.
weird. it's spelled weird. you nor veronica can spell that word correctly.
Fuzzy Josh!!!
It's because I don't like to shave, but I also don't like having a beard. This leads to perpetual fuzziness.
hello. dave you're slacking off. start posting man. the first few weeks of a new blog you have to post like crazy. don't make me come over there and slap you with a fish. i'll do it. i'm that crazy.
Here here! Don't tell me you've already run out of jaded commentary on the world around you. I know you, and I know that it isn't possible. More, I say. And watch out...Cainnum is crazy. And I hear he's been stocking up on salmon for just this sort of occasion.
heckle heckle!!
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