Lemme see what's in your box

I have, for the past month and a half or so, been employed as a security guard. I make sure that none of the cellular phones that my employers repair or manufacture are stolen. Apparently cell phones that don't necessarily work are a hot commodity. I don't get it either. However, I trooper on, because as the old adage goes "Mine is not to reason why, mine is but to do or die" ... The problem here is, I was prepared to walk the graveyard shift. I was looking forward to venturing forth in to the black of night with only my wits and a long steel flashlight to combat evil with. I mean, grain silos, or fenced in yards, or whatever I imagined myself guarding are surely prime targets for larcenous activity. I mean, fenced in yards could hold anything, and grain silos...Well...I mean, it's a dietary staple! I ran scenarios through my head of the crazy mad cap adventures I would have on my lonesome rounds.
Sometimes reality's cruelty feels much to me as a starving, very sick person in Africa must feel after eating an orange, there's this sudden buzz of clarity in the back of your head, and it leaves you feeling vaguely ill for awhile afterward.
My job is pseudo militaristic. I don't approve. I have...lessee here....Ah 12 persons of rank above me, yes 12 people who are able to take me to task on anything I'm doing if they have the mind. Some of it is reasonable. Some of it is completely silly bullshit. Like, "GUEST, why are you walking outside instead of inside when I told you to rove?!" Saying things like it's "faster" , or "More efficient" are comments that are met with scorn. I wasn't asked the better way to perform my tasks. I was told how ATC wanted me to perform said task. The difference there is so subtle I almost missed it.
I'm getting to the point where I envy the people who wipe butts at state school. But my job is just so god damned *easy*. I am damn near quite literally just paid to sit there, Or stand. It'd be awesome if the boredom weren't like the vacuum of air into space inside my head.
Also, I'm vaguely tired of telling people to put their shoes in the box, or anything I have to touch that is well worn and sweaty. These people work 10 hour shifts. It is at times a job that lacks valor..Or odor eaters. That reminds me....A note to the employees of ATC : Your job sucks. You win. It's not fun to go through all the security bullshit you go through. Congrats for realizing that. That having been said, if you continue to work there anyway? Find a way to cope. I am quickly becoming tired of having to deal with peoples tantrums because they just had to wear the jacket pants with 17 zippers, and they somehow never thought that this might get them stopped at the metal detectors. C'mon people. Sheesh.
Also, I occasionally have to tell extremely attractive women to please put their personals in the box. Or I have to wand them. Heh. Wand. ........Anyway, it sometimes taxes my Inner Beavis to not snicker. Other than that, my job isn't so bad. This update was gonna be a little bit meatier, but then I was all like "Nah."

Do you read on? If so, turn to page 87......

Man! Today my vision is just for crap. Blurriness and halos abound! It is freaking annoying. I should really take care of myself or something. Sheesh. My glasses were supposed to be a miracle cure! Science was supposed to be on my side! Imagine my chagrin at finding out otherwise. Stupid science. In other news, I just recently purchased a couple of those old Choose Your Own Adventure books. I used to read those all the time. I went through those little books like a recovering heroin addict goes through methadone. Let me just say....... Sometimes nostalgia lies. She's a fickle mistress, and she's not to be taken lightly. I loved going through all the endings through those books. I usually found out what was up pretty quickly, I usually chose one of the "best" plot lines early on, and then of course I'd go back and get the endings where you fell into a pit, challenged the wrong bad guy, when down the wrong plain alley, unwisely opened the unremarkable door your doom led behind, or on one memorable occasion - I was turned into a mouse. Sure, whatever. I think that was always one of my problems with the Choose Your Own Adventure (You'll pardon me if I don't keep using bold print and italics ) series. See, in the CYOA (familiarity breeds anagrams) books, sometimes you got the crap ending with no warning, or worse still; you'd get to that one decision path where both decisions were flawed. What does that teach kids? Sorry kiddo, but your desire to turn left and go into the bedroom instead of following the black cat to your doom as you just discovered, is not gonna save your ass this time. Thanks for trying to learn basic problem solving for us. We're sorry the game was rigged. Seems like they rarely appreciated violence either, they'd give you an item sometimes, maybe even something suggestive....Like a gun- but woe and peril befall the youth that attempts to use that device. Maybe the writers would just get lazy occasionally, or worry that the child would then pencil in "uses alien blaster" and a fake page number....And then write their own endings, there by putting that franchise out of a job. I remember being part of a martial arts world in one book, but I don't remember karate chopping anyone. I think I might have traveled back in time. No, that was another book. Damn it. That was always another problem with the CYOA's. They tended to kind of run together. Which is creepy, because I recall there being over a hundred. Maybe I could do it better. Hmmmm.

If you'd like to show support for a Choose Your Own Adventure blog.....Turn to page 87..


If you'd rather go back and investigate Farmer McCreedy's farm again after dark.....Turn to page 41

Jaded

So i'm 26 and I feel so apathetic. I feel jaded even. It's something that I thought I was at terms with. I had played Charlie Brown's ready foot to Lucy's tilted football too often. The world is a callous place, people can be so very cruel. I had read the memo. The real problem is....I thought that I was disconnecting myself from other people's concerns because I didn't want to end up as drone like as all that.....And it turns out it's happened to me anyway. There was a brief time in which I considered myself something of an optimist. It was a very brief time when I was much younger. The world around me, and my own lack of conviction sort of bled the optimism out of me, I think because I hadn't founded it in anything....So it was too fragile. Certainly my faith in people is hard pressed to bare any fruit, because so many people act without thinking. I've been one of the people most guilty of that in my time. I guess the problem is that optimism usually seems so blind....And I guess the reason I feel like that is because I don't really work towards any end. I'm finally getting tired of my life lacking direction, and I'm beginning to think it's time to do something about it. I've always been concerned with the opinions of others. More so than mine.....Because I had sort of told myself for a long time that it didn't matter if I had an opinion. I shut some fundamental part of me down a long time ago that allows people to really get close to me. I have not treated my friends very well at times. In short, if I'm unhappy....Maybe I really should try something else. I've been using my apathy as an excuse....A way to prevent myself from trying things and failing...When really...Well, I've defeated myself before I even stepped up to the plate. I'm not saying I want to be an optimist, because optimism can be just as blind as pessimism......But even if I lack faith in the human spirit, it doesn't mean I should also contribute to that feeling does it? All I know is that I am unhappy, and most all of my family and friends have encouraged me to do something about it...So maybe it's time to do something about it.
Then again...
*shrug*

Sacked.

So last Saturday, or rather I should say the Saturday before last Saturday..... my employment with Pizza Hut was terminated. I was sacked. Fired. Let go. Moved on involuntarily. See, we occasionally have performance appraisals. They are generally considered something of a joke. But my new boss found a handy use for them apparently. I was graded in several areas....And found wanting. The interesting thing to note is that some of these scores were adjusted under mysterious circumstances. I. E.....No real reason was given. I hated my job. I mean, let's not mince words I really loathed it. But I thought it was at least a long term hate. I hated my job, my job was indifferent to me....It was a relationship that disgusted me....Yet it sustained me at the same time. It was one of those..."Man, I can't believe how little I have going for me...At least I still have that crappy ass job though!" ...Situations.
I guess that's the part that really burns. The realization that I rode that sad sack into the ground. I didn't pull the ol' ejection seat lever, I rode that smoldering p.o.s. right into the tarmac.
A note to those of you out there who could make even a similar mistake: Do NOT ever take a job seriously that requires you to perform some sort of ritual, or set of tasks designated to you by an acronym. Because it means, that on some level, your job considers you to be a frikkin' idiot. Need an example? Righty-O! Do you have a C.H.A.M.P.S attitude? Because Pizza Hut does! C.H.A.M.P.S, you see, stands for Cleanliness, Hospitality, Accuracy, Maintenance, Production, and Speed. Someone was paid money to subject people to that. That's wrong.
To revisit, yet again what I was saying earlier though : I hated that job, I despised it, but in a strange way, I thought my job and I were partners in depravity. My job used me up slowly, like a malevolent hot dog rotisserie slowly squeezing me of my life's juices, and I let my job pay me money to do this. It wasn't what I'd call a great arrangement, but it was an arrangement. At times I felt like my job was kind of like my personal Moriarty, it would visit some kind of strangely eloquent horror upon me (like the Spanish customer who slowly and adamantly gave me their address every time I asked them their phone number or vice versa), but I was always prepared with an apathetic set of the shoulders or a sardonic grin. "Well played sir!", one of us would say with terse dignity.......
That aside, you can see how this outcome is something of a mixed blessing. Most of my friends all have what I consider good jobs right now.I never had a good job, I could only site my long stay at my last job as any sort of plus. Which of course is now moot, because I was fired. My boss cited what I consider to be some feather legged reasons for letting me go.....I could probably have even raised a stink....But it's done. I'm not gonna fight for that loathsome feeling to infuse me again. I have pushed the plate away. I've had my fill, thanks. My apologies if this post is news to anyone.......I really didn't want to give the whole "Golly, you know that job I've had for years that made me feel like a loser? I just got fired from it! I am a loser!" speech for awhile. I'm hopeful that I will find something.....Don't much care what it is as long as it isn't accompanied by a mandatory cheer.
~

User Error

Today I opened the microwave, and stared into it crestfallen, not at all sure as to why I couldn't find my 2 liter of diet Cherry Pepsi inside it.

For those I haven't told.....

...these little critters amuse me to no end:



www.happytreefriends.com

You'll have a whale of a time.
By the by....these cartoons, while hilarious, are not of interest to those who don't want to see horrible acts of pain and dismemberment.
I'm Austin bound, so I'll see you later.

Justice League Of WTF Were We Thinking?

I'm sure every geek comedian worth his weight in back issues of Fantastic Four knows that everyone has a bit about The Justice League....But now I have to say something. You see, I was perusing my older comics....And I saw an issue where Superman and The Flash are fighting next to a guy named Plastic Man. .....Now...In case this monicker is somehow unclear as to the exact nature of his contribution to the team....Plastic Man can stretch. That's vaguely cool I suppose, and they let him do things like glide and change his appearance. Sure, sure, whatever. However...Well, perhaps we should go down the roster. Then you can see what I mean.
We have:

Superman. Superman is at the top of this list, because this magnificent bastard pretty much carries the whole god damned team. Seriously. I mean sometimes you kind of get the impression that the JLA couldn't open a jar of pickles if Superman wasn't around. I mean, the guy has it all....Super strength, super speed, heat vision, laser eyes, super cold breath, flight, x ray vision, and he's damn near indestructible. I mean other members of the team can only contribute one of these powers, and he's expert in the use of all of them. Not to mention the fact that his greatest weakness resided on a planet that was conveniently blown to smithereens. Which actually isn't that impressive....Because apparently lots of people can get their hands on Kryptonite in a pinch. Whatever. Regardless, the guy is a powerhouse, and he has a moral code that would put the cast of 7th Heaven to shame.

Wonderwoman: She's come into her own quite a bit. She has gifts from the gods....superspeed, flight, super strength...Durable, a magical lasso, and a kick ass invisible jet. Or she did have one. Maybe she sold it. That's besides the point. The real thing she brings to the team are a decent mix of powers and a woman's sensibilities. Also, she looks pretty hot in her outfit. Just sayin'.

Martian Manhunter: Now here's a dude with some nifty powers. He's pretty strong, fairly durable, he flies, shapeshifts, can become intangible, *and* he's telepathic. That's some heavy artillery there people. Also, he too is this last of his kind, so he's a great dude for Supes to go out and have a beer with when he's feeling needy. I like this dude pretty well. However, he does have one huge weakness - fire. Which is kind of a downer. I mean you or I could live with this problem pretty well. But J'onn (That's what his friends call him), see, he fights crime. Not just your average pussies either. The JLA doesn't get cats out of trees. It goes to war with alien races and such. Which is really gonna suck for The Manhunter if the alien race in question has mastered the concept of fire. Not to mention the fact that it really puts a dampener on his ability to save people during a cataclysm. I mean, If you're in a burning building...You're probably gonna be hoping for Superman's ice breath, or maybe a coolant bat-a-rang, not a look of helpless torment from a shrugging, distraught looking Martian.

The Flash: Now here's where things start getting a little shakey. Don't get me wrong now - I like The Flash. He's one of the wittiest of the JLA. He gets off some good one liners. He also has super speed, and I believe he's even marginally faster than Superman. Therein lies the problem though. Ya see, Superman and Wonder Woman are super fast too. They also have other things in their repetoire like super strength, and flight. It makes you feel kind of bad for The Flash. It's not that he doesn't do his one thing well. No one can say he shirks his super speed duties, it's just that he's a one trick pony. Still. He does manage to get away with wearing a costume with ear fins, and you have to respect that.

The Green Lantern: I like the concept of this guy. He has a power ring, and anything he imagines he can make into being with said power ring. It sounds like a good deal. But it seems like the ring is always being given to people with anger management issues, no imagination, or people prone to things like....Death. See, The Green Lantern is like a position handed out by these fellows called The Gaurdians. Think of galaxies as counties, and each galaxy has sheriffs, and The Green Lantern Corps is made up of these space sheriffs. Aaaaaaaaanywho, for a long time the big weakness these rings had was the color....Yellow. Which I guess means if you painted your ray gun yellow, and it shot yellow beams, you were a big threat to galactic security. I hear that later this was changed to......Wood. So if I have a baseball bat, I can knock the snot out of you, and your big green hand you made is not going to squash me. Ah yes. The big green hand. Now, as I said, anything you imagine you can make into being with this hand, as long as you don't mind the color green and concentration headaches. So you could make a green gun, or a green army of pixies, or a green whale to drop on someone, as long as you understood the nature of said thing. With the exception of Kyle Rayner, most lanterns would just make big ass hands to slap at the bad guys, or like, green horses to ride on, or you know....Pretty whitebread shite like that. That's not going to make the galaxy's mightiest threats fear you. That's going to get your ass kicked. You need like an emerald chainsaw, or hummer or something. Also, Lanterns suffer from bad times. One has died, or rather, I think several have, two have retired, one went crazy and tried to destroy the Universe (Kudos there Hal Jordan), and who knows what all has happened to the countless other Corps members. Anyway, That's why we aren't giving the Green Lantern a lot of love here. You dropped the ball Lantern. You dropped the ball.
The Green Arrow: This is a man who has devoted himself to the eradication of crime. He's out to kick ass and chew bubble gum. But apparently on his way to buy a pack of gum, he passes a pawn shop selling bows, and it occurs to him how freakin' awesome he'd look in green merry men tights, shooting trick arrows at people. I feel a little more dirty now after having sullied myself with the phrase "trick arrows". Net arrows, Fire retardant arrows, Sonic arrows, Drill arrows, Ice Arrows, Stun Arrows, Gimme-A-Freakin' break arrows. He's apparently quite nimble as well. I think he's also supposed to be wealthy. I'd have researched him more, but to be honest, I have a hard time taking this dude that seriously. I mean, come on, he shoots arrows. Trick arrows. I mean, just saying it sounds funny. "Trick arrows".

Batman: You may have noticed that I have included Bats as #7 in our roster here. This was not unintentional. I like Batman. I do. The problem is - Batman has no super powers. Which wouldn't bother me at all if this were the Teen Titans, or The Outsiders, or some such less impressive group of his peers. But this is the JLA man, this is major league time, and while Batman maybe be a major player in his own right? I don't see him contributing much in a battle with planet destroying aliens, or ancient super powered beings. Remember Doomsday anyone? The guy that was beating the tar out of Superman and The Justice League back in the day? You notice how Bats was a conspicuously absent? As I was saying, I like Batman, but I'm not sure if he's right for The League. He does have a disgusting amount of money though, which has to come in handy when the ol Justice Tower needs refurbishing, and he seems to be pretty intelligent. Which is kind of important here. I mean, I put Superman at the top of the list, but he does strike me as a little......dense sometimes. Also, Batman is like the gadget master. I mean, this guy is like the MacGuyver of crime fighting, if you give him a boomerang, a smoke alarm, and the insides of an amp, he'll have a sonic boomerang just perfect for that crystalline entity. Let us not also overlook, that he has a cool outfit. Which really isn't very important at all, but isn't that thing cool? Basic black? Classic, yet elegant, and as camouflaged for his urban jaunts? Brilliant.

Aquaman: acumen lost his left hand and has a cool liquid metal thing there instead. He's also the ruler of Atlantis. He can speak to fish too. Aquaman is marginally cooler now that the people writing him really enjoy bringing to play the fact that he's ruler of his own kingdom. I mean, having lackeys is fun. Political intrigue involving underwater denizens gets a little shakey for me though. Also....Well, the main problem with Aquaman is that, of all The Leaguers, He's just a little too specialized. I mean when the gang gets together to go fight Lex Luthors newest giant robot menagerie at his new mountain top installation...Well...Aquaman isn't really gonna be helping out much there, despite the fact that he offers to carry a bucket of squid with himself into battle. But the team doesn't really have the heart to turn him away, because he's an excellent cook. Plus, everytime they leave the ready room; Aquaman hits them with that stupid, vacant, slightly endearing "Can I come?" smile...And it's all they can do to just quickly rush out the door, while his eyes damn the back of their heads as they leave.

Plastic Man: He's plastic, man. I will say that he's one of the funnier league members. Trying to say much else of note about him would be stretching it though. Yes. That hurt me a little bit inside.

Hawkman: Can fly. With the help of a suit. Apparently he's also rich, and something of a scientist. Whatever.

The Atom: Man. I really, really want to like The Atom. The problem here is much the same as my issue with Aquaman - The Atom is just too specialized. They can't ever come up with something for The Atom to do that doesn't just seem completely contrived. I keep waiting for Batman to put The Atom in a pouch on his belt and start referring to him as Lockpick, or maybe Remote Device.

So there you have it. My issues with The League. It took me longer than you'd think to make this post. Days even.

Black dark wet slithering.....

..Rage has been known to over take me at times. For many reasons. But now one of my biggest anger management issues is the car radio. An open note to the music enthusiast: I am glad that you own what you feel is a nice car. It's nice to know you put aside the money for the stereo system in said car. Please enjoy your music. Hell, crank it if you feel the need......However. Do not blare your music outside my window. How loud is too loud? It's a simple test. If your music makes me window shake, it's too loud. That's a decent amount of leeway you understand. Because even hearing your stereo makes me mad. So that's really quite generous of me. The thing that bothers me is the inherent...challenge in blasting your music. Sure...You're enjoying it...But let's face it....You're also curious as to if it will bug me. Also, what do you care? Chances are always in your favor that I won't say anything, because that's one of the flaws of polite society. It's a catch 22. You are being impolite by blaring your music. But I'd nervous about asking you to turn it down, because what if you said no? I mean what do I do then? Call the police? Also, why is it that minorities, and you'll forgive what I consider only a slight generalization, seem to be the worst offenders? And to further single them out, I mainly refer to black people. People who's biggest beef is being harassed..............did I miss something there? Also, have you ever noticed that usually the music being blasted is rap? I find this a little strange. It's like rap has become the anthem of car radio enthusiasts. If I were in my humpty....Well I'd be within my rights to broadcast some tears for fears or toadies or what have you. I just don't get it. And people can't explain it to me entirely to my satisfaction. So the next time you pass a dude slamming a little "Video killed the radio star" down on you, be sure to give me a wave.

So you say you wanna be a Quest Super Star, Big horse, five swords?

I have already made previous mention of my problem with certain types of games on a previous post. It seems however that I overlooked something: Adventure games. I like adventure games. I enjoy the acquisition of new items and the implementation of them against my foes and or fiendishly clever puzzle rooms. Not that most of them end up fiendishly clever, but I digress. One of the most iconic adventure game stars when I was a kid....Heck to present day even....Is Link, of Legend of Zelda fame? I think he's been in one or two other games as well. I like this guy, I sympathize with his plight. He is a character stripped of choice and control of or over his destiny, and thrust into a quest not of his own choosing. What's that you say? Link is a hero? Link does what's right despite all consequence? Or maybe, MAYBE he is a beleaguered village youth.
In his first game, The Legend of Zelda, Link see a woman being beset upon by nefariously pixellated scum, and dispatches them. After all, he'd already seen it happening...And he felt uncomfortable with just strolling on by. He felt guilty. And there's the question of common decency. And hey....Maybe she knew where he could find that pesky bow. This was not the case, as the young lady...Who's name was imp, well it just so turns out that she's the PRINCESS'S handmaiden! Good stuff! At this point Link is certain she'll know where he can find a bow, courts are FULL of bows....And yet...She seemed to be looking into his eyes...And telling him something about being Anon. No....No that's not quite right. Something about Ganon. Impa was telling him he needed to find all these pieces of something called the Triforce of Wisdom. Because apparently this Zelda thought'd be a good idea to smash it and hide the pieces. At this point our man Link gets excited. He inquires if Impa has one of these pieces. That'd be something to show the village! She says no.....But starts to direct him vaguely to one of the pieces. It is at this point that Link becomes alarmed. Why was she telling him this? He did her a favor. So to repay him, Impa charges him with some sort of QUEST? Link found that this really chafed. Impa was saying something else now though....Something about.....how pretty the Princess was. Yes, that's right, Pretty and Grateful entered the conversation. Link reluctantly started to cave at this point. Those were two of his favorite words...and she was giving him a small bit of money. She was also telling him something about an old wise man. And something called heart containers. How ludicrous. Impa is ecstatic with the agreement of Link to help the kingdom of Hyrule to defeat Ganon, and bids him luck. Our hero nods, and with reluctant vigilance, sets out on his path to glory.

This is a theme post. Further installments of my takes on Link's adventures will arrive at my discretion. So, tough titty.

Particles

I'm pretty much a guy of routine. I hadn't necessarily thought about it before, but it's undeniable true. I do the same set of things each day. I pack my day with very little, but seem to prefer it that way. I say seem to, because occasionally I get bored, but I break it up with fits of worry, or very slight bursts of energy. Over all I'm pretty comfortable.....But that's actually kind of a lie isn't it? There are things I don't like about my life.....But I don't change them, because I'm just not down with change. This is of course, not to say that I am incapable of change, in the last few years I've made positive changes in my life in addition to the stagnation I feel. I'm not even asking for advice really, because I am the maker of my own path. I was simply bemused earlier, when I went to a friends blog earlier, and saw that she had talked with a someone I used to know. I didn't like that person for awhile.....But really now I have no ill will. It also got me thinking about how much, and how little things change with time. I mean it's strange isn't it? I have trouble looking for inspiration for much in my life, but I notice that my friends seem to be doing better, and I feel pride for them. I'm in a strange mood today really. I say today, but I really mean lately. My apathy is at the forefront lately. Mayhaps it's just the weather. It's certainly not doing much for this rambling is it? C'est la vie.......
In other news, my boss Karl has a sister. A sister that I do not like. She and her husband get an obscene amount of money each month, on account of the fact that her husband is connected to an oil family. So they get something of an allowance if you will. It's in the 5 digit range. Per month. And these people are dumb and to make it worse, selfish. Now this bothers me, because they don't really invest it, they cant get jobs, or wont, and they are having trouble living on the sum they have. Holy crap. Also, Karl's sister will pitch fits, and throw her wedding ring out of the car window. Like several months ago when she decided tossing a 5,000 dollar ring out on the side of the highway would be ok because well.....She could always just get another one. I feel the need to steal from these people. To free them of the burden of their wealth. To scam them...Much as Robin Hood might....In order that I might get give from them, the richer, unto me, the poorer. They are extremely religious on top of being dumb. Did I mention that? These people are ripe for the plucking. So the idea I had was to sell them particle free air. What is particle free air you ask? I'm so glad you did! You see, people get sick....Most often times sick in their houses (If you read the appropriately skewed medical papers).......Due to too many particles in the air. The problem is, you see, that particles can be made of anything really can't they? I mean....We can't ever be sure what we're breathing in at any time can we? That's why I provide this surface...Yes indeed. You see....All you need to do is just gently remove the out side packaging of this box....Without disturbing the seal....That's it, and then you carefully use the complimentary box cutter to place incisions in the clearly marked "saturation portals" the slight hissing you hear from the specially lined package inside is the escape of the Particle Free Air into your house. The PFA from this point will then neutralize up to three of the rooms in your house....For up to 10 days! This first box is only 30 dollars. After this one, you can buy the bigger full house boxes for 80 dollars a piece. And the system works! If you don't notice how breathable your air is afterwards? We'll give you most of your money back!
Particle free air. Help your house breathe easier.

The wheels, the wheels they aaarrreee a tuuuurnin'........

Blogging, is a strange thing. You start it just for kicks, and people read it, and then they are all like "You need to post again." Thereby tacking on a level of responisibility you weren't neccesarily shooting for.......but at the same time part of you feels warm and fuzzy because someone is urging you to post again because they found something about your blog entertaning. Or suppose you post something in your blog that someone takes issue with? That's a double edged sword in particular, because you probably wrote whatever it was out of a sentiment to amuse, enlighten, or grouse upon....and if they don't like it...well you can't very well say sorry can you?

Ah, another 4th of July is behind me. I hope you enjoyed your yearly shout out America. That having been said, I can't honestly remember exactly when I lost interest in celebrating the 4th. Also.....I dunno....I mean it seems like the 4th of July is kind of like...I dunno....Easter. I mean it's fun, everyone has a good time - but the customs don't necessarily stand up to close scrutiny. That's not entirely fair though I suppose. I mean...Rocket's red glare, flag was still there = set some rockets off. Whereas Christian peoples really enjoy chocolate eggs, so they slapped the Death of Christ tag on what I think was a pagan holiday...So that they could sort of just say it coincides. Eddie Izzard is the man to look for for a better take on that whole rant. I have some friends who are Mormon. I wonder if Easter is a big deal for them.........
Where was I? Oh yeah. Public safety. People. Signal your lane changes and turns. You don't even have to be a good driver for any other reason. When you slow down inexplicably, back up without looking, or park in a fire lane......I'll give you all of these. Just signal. Or, and more to the point....Please, please don't change lanes in the midst of a turn at a busy intersection. Note that I even gave you an out. If it's NOT busy, do what you like! But when it's busy, and you put my life in danger like that? It makes me so angry the blood in my face boils. I think it does anyway. I cant really speak on the factuality of that, because I think that might kill someone in reality. But it's the closest approximation I can think of. Anyway, signaling is an idea we can all get behind you know? And I can't stress this enough- No one is asking you to drive better! Heaven's no! Just signal properly, so people can deduce your crackpot schemes ahead of time.
Let's see.... ..... ....... Ah. Yes, if you are going to play a game of Super Smash Brothers Melee, and my roommate smiles agreeably at you- be afraid. Be very afraid. While I did ok, I must of my own free will admit that he was better. Josh fell into his old rhythm of kicking butt fairly quickly. It made me think back to when Andy and Cainnum would be with us too. He's very good at that game, and he weathered my complaints of blaming it on the levels with quiet dignity.
Also, I dunno if you read this blog Richard. But I loathe you sir. You do not deserve to win.
I think that about wraps up this post. If it seemed a little abrupt- Don't worry! It was!
For lunch today I had a Dr. Pepper.
Peace out.

But you can't take the sky from me....

I actually sat forward when I read this:

http://www.tv.com/story/story.html&story_id=335


Thank you Jebus. Thank you Sci Fi. Thank You Cainnum.
We can only hope.
Insert restrained glee here.

S'Q you man.

So I took an I.Q. test the other day. I did so at the urging of my good friend Josh. Had I been left to my own devices, I would have kept going through life with the blind acceptance that I was dumber than a lot of other people - and that's .....O.K.
However, Josh's encouragement was infectious, and after a surprisingly brief amount of prodding (though I'm sure Josh wouldn't entirely agree with my sentiment that it was brief), and a bit of grousing, I found that I was actually kind of excited on some level. I'm pretty down on myself. My self esteem is pretty shot. So I figured, what's the harm in trying to exceed my own expectations? So I took the test.....And really it wasn't so bad. It was brief, which helped a lot with convincing me that I hadn't undertaken some sort of Herculean task. It was also timed, and I finished before being timed out. Another plus in my personal book. I was feeling pretty decent. Even optimistic. I hope my use of past tense hasn't given anything away. I clicked finished, and waited for my results to tally. Was I a genius? Have I worried all this time for nothing? Was I merely above average? Such a thing would still have bolstered my optimism. Alas, I was tallied....And found to be in the "Lower Average" demographic of people that had taken the test. Ouch huh? I felt like crap. I mean, it was a *real* buzz kill. One of my negative paradigms, instead of being shattered, had been bolstered. It hurt. Josh told me the test was skewed, and said he'd find me a different one. And, to be fair, it did consist of only 30 questions. And two of the questions I got wrong were mainly wrong just because I got in a hurry. But I can't lie. Getting a 93 hurt. Still, today I've found I'm not as disappointed with myself today as I was yesterday. One of the main reasons I'm not.....Is because I took the test. This probably won't impress very many people, but it makes me feel good about myself because I tried. I mean, I underwhelmed myself a little, but I still took a swing at the ball. Trying things when you aren't used to trying at all can sometimes be very liberating. I have a complex about "my place" in life. I'm used to telling myself that I can only rise so far. But after I took the test....Josh and I went over it and we both realized that there were several questions I got wrong that I wouldn't have if I had just concentrated more and psyched myself out less. It's not a lesson I've learned entirely.......But it's starting to occur to me that it's at least possible to try something. Even if you aren't certain it can be done.....Because that's how things get done sometimes. So I scored low, sure. It's also the first IQ test I've ever taken...........And I think it's possible that I might just surprise myself in the future. Im kind of looking forward to another chance sometime.
Give my friend Lisa's blog a gander at www.recreationaluse.blogspot.com It's a gas.

Supplies!

"Surprise." Get it? Ah well.
So it's summer time again, my apathy is now a wee bit more present as it responds well to heat apparently. and things seem pretty bleh. Met a few people through myspace.com....and I guess I'm fairly pleased. Meeting people is sort of nice, especially when I can exercise the process of it in a controlled environment. Josh and, to a far lesser extent, I have been buying a lot of sandwich stuffs. It seems fairly economic, for the most part, and sammiches are tasty. We've also discussed buying plants. Semi seriously. We discovered we like a little green, and most of the time our patio space does seem pretty wrecked, so I'm pretty for the whole idea. I stand to make a little money from my mother, because she's selling the last bit of land she owns in New Mexico. I'm fairly pleased, but I know I'll end up spending some of it responsibly. Damn it. I've also noticed that people around me seem a little irrational lately. Which means I guess I am being a little irrational too if it's the weather...Which I think is a strong contributor. This doesn't apply to all my friends, but It's something I've noticed. Denton feels like a soup most of the time now, and I don't know whether to walk out of my apartment, or dog paddle. It's been slightly better today.
A note to cainnum. Star Wars was highly decent. I loved it compared to the last two films, but the discontinuity, and the abrupt inclusion of elements that don't impact the plot made me weary. Good action, some surprisingly decent acting, and a better sense of pacing all made this movie stand out above the last two installments. I, even in my Star Wars Trivial Pursuit glory, still can't give it much higher marks though. It also disappoints me....Because George Lucas used to be so much better. Maybe it's because he has kids now, or maybe it's because he's just older.......But the movies lacked a certain amount of depth. There are some noticeable exceptions in this movie.....Such as the solid performance by Ian McDiarmid as Emperor Palpatine, but it still showed some very rough edges. Otherwise, I really don't have many complaints. I'll probably end up seeing it again at some point. Today I made chicken spaghetti for lunch. It was ok. Salute!

Laughter is a four letter word.

So if you're like me, chances are you have friends out there who just dont agree with certain things you find funny. For example, I really love Spaceballs. But I have a friend that looks at m
e like I said something like "Hitler really had a few good ideas there" every time I reveal this.
I used to like, hide the stupid shows I liked. Oh yeah, I should point that out.....There are somethings that I have laughed at for several minutes, that I will in no way try to defend as anything other as just plain dumb. For example, The New Guy with DJ Squalls. There's a scene where a guy turns from his friends and runs DIRECTLY into a pole. Slapstick. Baseless slapstick. And still I laughed. I should point out that this also got a snort from the friend who gave me a disapproving look for enjoying Spaceballs. I love Who's Line Is It Anyway? I like the first 3 seasons of The Drew Carey Show, I enjoy Cheers in a slightly amused fashion, I used to love SNL during the Phil Hartman years, I liked News Radio, I laugh at Family Guy. Screw it, I also like Harvey Birdman, Sealab 2021, The Venture Bros. , Steve Martin Movies, Tenacious D, and dear god in heaven I also laugh a little at Everybody Loves Raymond on occasion. I'm not defending or condemning any of the things I've just said.....it's just stuff that I find funny regardless of what other people think. Im down with laughter. I love it. I think it's better than hate, and not as emotionally full time as being sad. It's why I try to at least make people smile on my blog. People deserve to get a chuckle. So if you think something is funny, and other people don't get it, throw a pie in their faces if that's yo thang. Later.

"OooOooOOooOo"

Ok. Ok. I don't want to freak out any body with what I'm about to lay down here.....but check this out: In your Yahoo! Mail? There's this rather amazing word you can click on. That word, is Empty. The amazing part, is that this word can be found next to.....your Bulk Mail folder. Well, I'll just say it - I'm floored. I had no idea this option existed. All this time, I've been "Next page, *click*, Next Page, *click*"ing my way through my internet mail. Sure, sure. Laugh if you wish. Heck, In a while I'll probably join you. Right now though....I feel kind of like the chimps in 2001 about 5 seconds after touching the monolith. The universe still makes about as much sense to me as different color game boys, but I still feel this post epiphany glow. If all the people reading this already knew about this amazing feature, then....why didn't you tell me? To which I tell myself I think I know the answer. It's because some part of each of you out there...Realizes how cool this feature is. You just take it for granted now. For shame! I know it's not that big a deal. Rationally, I know this. But good god, how frickin' awesome. I have to go now. I need to see if I have any bulk mail in my folder since I discovered this new feature something like 20 minutes ago. Bulk mail. You are now my biatch.

Focus

So my vision isn't so hot lately. It's pretty annoying. It's hard to focus completely anymor. Which of course makes me paranoid. That's really going the distance for those who know me, because i'm already pretty paranoid. I'm trying to sleep more. It's been made difficult this last few days because with my cold I cant get much air. Occasionally I'm sloooooowly trying new things. Josh is helping as best he can, or rather as much as i'll let him....but it's nice to have the support. I'm trying the multi-vitamin thing, doing some thought exercises, generally trying to stimulate myself just a little bit more. "See what develops" plan of action. I know I'm blowing things out of proportion slightly, but not as much as people who know me well might think. I've taken the wait and see attitude to heart. My eyes are definitely a little funky. I am tired a lot of the time. I should really think about not smoking. Or at the very least cut down more. Which I have. I've thought about drinking more water. It's a hard habit to get into, but I know I should drink more of it. I wish I liked carrots more, but they're just so damn chewy. I mean really. What's the deal there? Though I do salivate slightly at the idea of pot roasted carrots and potato all soft cuz of the juices from the meat and.........*tongue lolls out of mouth*
Anyway. Uh. Yeah....so I'll give it a little while longer, and if it gets much worse I guess I'll have to take some sort of action. Which really just galls me to no end. I mean. I'm lazy. Why can't my eyes and or body just take care of itself? Seriously. It's freaking annoying.
I wish I hadn't stared at the sun when people dared me to when I was a kid. Stupid dares.

FORK me!

Seriously. Stick a fork in me. I'm done. So Saturday night, after watching A Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy, I go to bed and wake up the next day a little scratchy. I figure it's no big, I probably just over did it yesterday with my vices and socializin'. I go to work, get into my rythm, and realized abruptly that I feel worse. I come home at two for my short break. I realize with sinking dread that I am, in fact, coming down with something. It only took a few hours for this virus to lay waste to my bodies defenses.
I'm an allergy kid. This won't mean much to most of you, but to those other chosen few like me who got to get allergy shots once or twice a week as a kid, well you'll understand if I dont like colds. I get them at least once a year. Often more like twice a year. This is particularly annoying as I have just pointed out that I did, in fact, go to the doctor many times as a child to get my allergy shots. One would have hoped this had covered colds in some way. I especially dont like colds mainly because they screw with my breathing. It also means I get even less rest at night. I have sleep apnia. This bugs me. Also, colds are time consuming. They take awhile to fend off. And it takes awhile to bounce back. sniffles and the odd sneeze can last for days. Not cool.
Colds Also have this way of making your head stuffy too. It's like trying to think with a head full of mental chaff deflecting your thoughts. Mundane tasks you perform each day suddenly become actions of intense concentration. I was at work and I continuosly tried to ring this person's 2 large pizza order up on a 1 medium coupon. It didn't work. Or listening to your car radio and turning the tuning dial instead of the volume dial and being completely non plussed by the problem with volume level and reception of signal. Things like that.
I do amuse myself when it comes to doing combat with my colds though. My weapons of choice are cough syrup, nasal decongestant pills, Oj, and cough drops. of these four items, I think OJ helps the most. Followed by cough syrup. It's amazing how Vitamin C can make my cold take a step back and reevaluate itself after ONE glass of OJ.
Or it could have been just because I was feeling really funky this morning. Now I am getting tired again. I must cut this post short. I can feel the fatigue seeeeeeping into my veins again. It's there. Always there. Under the surface.......... .... ....*

Yesterday

Yesterday, I was a little too cavalier in the use of my automobile's gas, and I finally ran out after being on E for the trip to my store. I was told to run an errand by my boss. So I did. But the car wouldn't start. A quandary. Luckily I was right next door to a gas station.
There was a man there pumping gass. He knew my dilemma. The man smiled slightly. In the blurry heat I looked back at him without expression. There was silence, or as much as could be allowed in the urban setting. We stood there. He and I, looking at each other. After a moment, the man shrugged and went back to his business. I nodded. A crossroads had been passed. The man would trouble me no further. I went inside and got the gas tank from the clerk. I filled my car with a gallon of gas from the plastic jug's insides. My car drank thirstily. I returned the gas tank to the clerk, and came back outside. I wiped the sweat from my brow. I got in my car. I then drove. The city swallowed me.

~Fin

Yo Joe

So I've started collecting the new G.I. Joe comics. I love 'em. The nostalgia factor, the kick ass uniforms. The codenames. The fact that each Joe had a specialty. I eat it up. I don't have a clear idea why. I think I enjoy the clearly implied good and bad. G.I.Joe is good. Cobra, is bad. I especially like how they made it easy to identify that Cobra were the bad guys by forcing you to identify them with, well, the Cobra. Cobras are dangerous reptiles! Poisonous! Stay away kids!
Let's cover the codenames too. Man, I really loved the codenames. Once you become a bad ass, you get a codename. It's brilliant. And, 95% of the time, your codename perfectly described some aspect of your job. For example. Shipwreck? jaunty sailor guy. Roadblock? Big black machine gunning guy. Although, he does have a penchant for rhyming that perhaps he could get some therapy for. Tripwire, demolitions and booby trap removal. Clutch? Vehicle specialist. Tunnel Rat? You guessed it, he went through tunnels and such. Gung Ho? Marine! Good times. Let it not be said that this privilege was extended only to G.I. Joe. Nay friends, nay. COBRA, had its share. Though usually it was a type of soldier, they called vipers, with some helpful prefix that described their position. I.E: Televipers. Telecomunications dontcha know. Alley vipers. Urban warfare. Snow vipers. Ice and snow terrain soldiers. they also had some character specific ones. Dr.Mindbender? Mad scientist. Cobra Commander? Self explanatory, The Baroness? Evil Baroness dig it. On occasion however....the codenames go a little awry. Take Destro for example. Now....Destro is one of the commander of Cobra's army. He's not a guy you wanna screw with, owns his own country even.....but he wears a metal mask covering his head completely.
He's not called like, Metalhead, or...I dunno....Alloy. He's just Destro. But, he has some troops and a castle and stuff, so I guess he made a good decision or two outside of the whole mask arena. For G.I. Joe? We have Snake Eyes. Now....Snake Eyes is like a ninja bad ass. Everyone who likes G.I. Joe loves him. He also never. speaks. WoOoOooO But really? I can't exactly figure out why he went with Snake eyes other than his visor is slitted. Or since he took that vow of silence, the other Joes got drunk one night and just sort of gave it to him, and he couldnt say anything about it. Whatever.
There is another thing I always considered a little odd about G.I. Joe. They always sent like, one really odd choice for the mission. Like, they'll know there is this hidden base in a town over run by cobra agents, so they'll do something like send Duke, Lady Jaye, and Shipwreck. You know. Because a sailor is really that bit of extra something we need here. Or for the under water show youll have Wetsuit( the diver guy), Gung Ho, and Roadblock. You know. The MACHINE GUNNER. Because if the shit hits the fan in a sub, I want the guy with high velocity .50 cal slugs dispensed from his gun to get nervous. Oh yeah, and G.I. Joe, also had a spy. Apparently he was pretty good. And a bit of a wise cracker. His name........ was Chuckles.
In the cartoon, CHUCKLES wore a loud hawaiian shirt. and green pants. He would dispense intel on occasion.One assumed he dressed up as a cobra agent or something.But, Cobra knew who he was! It's the 007 syndrome all over. He goes in, get the info from a Cobra guy, thanks him, Cobra guy smiles and lets him practically leave the base before he THEN curses and scrambles the troops with the Alert siren. I mean, cmon Cobra. Sheesh.
One last item. On the Cartoon show, at the end,G.I. Joe did public service announcements, you probably remember them......
Duke: Johnny! Dont put that cat in the blender! Appliances should only be used for their original purpose, or you could get hurt! Also, that's sick!
Johnny: Oh my gosh Duke! You're right! That is messed up! Now I know!
Duke:.........*big grin* and knowing is half the battle Johnny! Yo Joe!
Johnny: ....Yo Joe!
.................Ok,Ok, so I used a little poetic license, but the real problem is how sometimes the strangest person would be used as the moral deliverer. Like, I could swear I remember an episode where Roadblock is warning kids not to get into a car with a stranger. Good message. Being delivered by a 6'4 brick house of a black man that has a tendency to rhyme. Huh? Stick Duke on this or something. It was also odd, because I dont remember the ladies on the team ever doing a safety thing. You figure Lady Jaye might have at least done an Archery Safety Announcement. Ah well. *hums the theme song*

Red, White, and Blah

I am not a patriot. Now, don't get me wrong.... I like my country pretty well. I mean, there are things about it I really enjoy. But I also notice the hypocrisy and double dealing our country does. I don't think it's right. But I also don't think it means our country is the worst around. I'm not political, because I refuse to get that involved. This will undoubtedly result in commentary...and that's great....but I guess what I'm really trying to say is....I don't care that much. And the times I do care? People just screw it up. I dont think we should be in Iraq. Nope. Seems like a lot of bad business. On the other hand, Iraq wasnt doing so hot before we came along. I dont think we should be keeping that woman alive by artificial means. Doesnt mean I like her husband. I like that we gave England money. I enjoy the BBC. I dont like that it sort of made England our bitch in the political arena. I enjoy John Travolta. I dont enjoy Scientology. I appreciate modern art for being art, but I dont appreciate the price i'd have to pay for some. I like the armed services. I dont really want to join them. I am pro choice. Doesnt mean I want to kill babies, or have drug babies born with horrible problems. I could continue on.
But the thing is.....I dont really want to get wrapped up in any of that. I dont feel as if any of that defines me specifically as a person. I cant picture myself in an anti war strike, because I can appreciate the positive affects of war along with the life destroying negatives. I have opinions. Some of them are strong. But I wont take away other's ability to voice their own opinions, or hamper them unless it significantly threatens something I love. So. Republicans. Democrats. Have your squabbles. But, dont preach to me. It's annoying. And yes, I do think Tom Delay is a dick.
If you really want some powerful opinions on the circus that is our political structure, give my friend Veronica a hit on her web site: http://www.aldahlia.net/m/
But, for the record? Yeah, I think Tom DeLay is a prick.

Sleep, The other Deep REM.

Man. I am tired. I am a diagnosed sleep apnia sufferer. Im a pretty bad case too. I have a machine and everything. Only problem is? I dont ever use it. Then I started again almost a year ago, and I broke my mask. so for something like a year or so I havent been using it....and its been affecting my health. Lots of people look at me like im stupid when I say I dont use it. I suppose it is. But it all goes back to my depression and such. I mean, what am I really doing with my life? Im not happy anyway, yadda yadda yadda. I think i'm oooooooooohhhhhh so slowly getting tired of thinking that way though. Also, my vision is shitty now. blurry vision, hard to concentrate....it's one of the Labors of Hercules just to spit out this blog in a semi coherent fashion.
I taped up the mask. Machine doesnt work that great with my ghetto rigged mask, but I dont have the 140.00 to replace it. Yup. That's right. 140. Fuck. That. But I suppose I will in fact pony it up pretty soon. I mean I need to right? Also, being awake is not what it's cracked up to be. People always want to bother you just because you are ambulatory and responsive and such. I could be asleep, and here I am....being awake like a sucker. So I will take steps. And hopefully said steps will lead me to a nice sleepy goodness. Fight the power.


~Dave

Animal Control

I have several pets in my life time. 2 dogs, 3 cats, assorted goldfish (poor bastards) 3 salamanders, 1 large snail. None of these pets have been extraordinarily noisey. Please note that I did not say the dogs and cats were not noisey, but then neither did they constantly make noise. The people keeping the dogs next door, apparently own dogs that don't understand that their incessant fighting and yipping is....well, its really just fucking obnoxious is what it is. Perhaps you feel that the expletive there is a bit much, this is ok, as you have obviously not heard these dogs go at it for over an hour at a time. I live in an apartment complex, and there are many people here who own pets. None, of these other people have had problems keeping their pets behaved. Or at least reasonably well enough behaved so as to be noticed only in one's peripheral. The other thing that bothers me about these dogs? It's not really the dogs fault. I mean, sure, they ARE extremely vexing.......but they also spends hours cooped up in a space something like 10 x 15 or a very similar figure. For hours. Literally. And i've taken a peak, their space isnt clean either. Crap is left on the pavement, the bowl of water, while huge, is left there all day, its shabby. It also stinks depending on the weather. If you dont have the time to spend on some pets....dont keep them. It's rather simple to my mind. Also, it makes you look like a dick if you let your pets carry on like that. Or keep them in those conditions. "A big jerk lives here" is the picture that paints.
I think the other problem with all this is, I will now have to.....COMPLAIN. Now, I've almost never officially had to COMPLAIN, because I hate doing it. I don't want to make waves, or chastise people, I just want to get through a day without having to wince as a dog yips apart my peaceful nap. To COMPLAIN has always to me marked one as a type of person who cant let shit go. But this has been going on for several months. Also, I do not sleep well. So I feel that anything that screws that for me can get a nice cold can of "Shut your dogs the hell up" if they are thirsty.

Peace out.

~ Dave

What HAPPENED?

Remember when birthdays used to be cool? I do. Back when you could equate each year with some new privilege, or a new school year, birthdays owned. Or how about when you were a kid, and you longed for more adult responsibilities? What a crimson herring that turned out to be. I just cant get into my birthday happy mood this year. It really kind of bugs the crap out of me. I cant exactly figure out when I stopped enjoying them so much. It's a bit odd really. Let us say nothing of the nature of gifts one receives on their birthday. Take, for example, video games. I loved video games and comics as a child. They kicked ass. So imagine that, years later, I still do! Do I have responsibility problems? Yes. Are they going to go away on my birthday if you give me that nice looking, respectable shirt you liked instead of the computer game I wanted? No. My family has trouble grasping this idea sometimes. I enjoy reading. I enjoy sci fi and fantasy. I like games of all sorts. I like music. I am not hard to shop for. Does that mean I always know what I want? No. But its not so difficult. I'm just as bound to enjoy a gift I didnt think of as long as you thought i'd really like it.
On another note, after...say....21? Getting old, sucks. There's nothing more to look forward to. Just a sense of pressure, that you are now in your free fall years till thirty, and if you dont do what you set out to do with your life....you're screwed. The idea that if you were to die prematurely in life, you might Get Judged at the Pearly Gates, and St. Pete will just look at you into your soul and ask "What HAPPENED?" This is sometimes the nervousness I get. But you see my point. No more privileges, just the occassional bills, thrills, and debt. That's not to say im not blowing all of this a little out or proportion. I mean, am perhaps giving the truth a little scope here... but im not entirely off I dont think. Maybe if we had more landmarks, like on your thirtieth birthday lets say its like mandatory that you get laid. Like we'll commission special "escorts" male AND female, who's job it is to have sex with you on your thirtieth. And for the sake of said arguement, since they are all getting paid, they should be pretty attractive. See? Something to look forward to. Then maybe at 40 you can skip fileing taxes that year and so forth. A little something. Obviously it'll fluctuate, but that's cool. Its reminiscient of life in a way. See? This is some good thinking, and I just got started!
So, now that I've rambled on a bit, i'm going to endeavor to enjoy my B day to its fullest. The one GREAT thing about B days, is...it's your day to be selfish. I mean, like as selfish as you'd sometimes like to be. And, as far as im concerned, that's awesome. But then again im pretty nuerotic. If you'd like to tell me how great I am on the 23rd, post a comment. Either way, take care.
~Dave

Some B day Ideas for those who know who they's(?!) is:
I love comics. You almost cant go wrong here.
sci fi or fantasy books. Ive been turned on to several good ones by friends. You could be that friend!
Food. I'm fat. I like food. Go fig.
Some cool art. ala comic, photographic, or dorky in nature. I needs to show off my personality more.
Ripped movies,games,or series.
Women. I like them.
a 1,000,000,000 dollars. ok ok ok,
a 1,000?

I Am Dave's Battered Psyche.

People who know me well will immediately recognize the truth of this statement: I don't like myself. I have not made wise decisions. I do not do the right thing for the right reasons sometimes. I am not selfless. I am not honest all the time. I am not as compassionate as id like to be. I used to fear my father. Now I resent him slightly. I love my mom, but she makes me uncomfortable because I feel guilty. Ive treated friends in ways you cant apologize for ever, and have had trouble feeling bad about that. These things bother me, because *I* am really the only one I can blame for the decisions ive made. I'd love to say aliens abducted me, or the governement did tests on me to make me a loser.....truth is though, a scared kid does lots of stupid shit. I dont have a plan for my life, because if I did have one id just abandon it. Im not sure how i'd ever deal with success, because I dont ever really experience it. Ive convinced myself that I have been Beaten. I am Done. Do Not Pass Go. Do NOT Collect 200 dollars. Im tired all the time. Being defeatist does that to you. And the worst part is that my apathy is so cyclic. I know there are things I could do to help myself out, but part of me is just CERTAIN that those things wouldnt work. I dont care about much anymore. I have physical problems. I worry about myself all the time. But in a distracted...like "looking at fish you dont feed regularly in an aquarium" way. I'm so disconnected. It would annoy me if I could gather up the energy. This post means relatively little. It's more or less just removing some of that blue fluff from my psyche's dryer filter. And really, that sounded close to some sort of apology...which annoys the crap outta me. So having accomplished......whatever it is I felt I accomplished here, I shall now go make lunch.


Later.

This topic is so lifeless

Zombies freak me out. I wouldn't say they scare me anymore, but I do tend to make a face when they are brought up. See, the problem with zombies, is that they are dead. I could deal with mutant alligators, aliens that begin life as parasites in your lung, or even evil puppets. Zombies are people that defied the laws of science as we know them, and have come back to "life". Because they have a need. That need is to treat you like an all-you-can-eat buffet.
That's the other uncool thing about Zombies. No agenda to thwart. They wont ever go away because you embarrased them,beat their leader in a duel, or destroyed their mother ship with an iMac, because they don't have these things. They want to rot all over what used to be your neighborhood, and eat anything that looks like its still got some pep in its step. They rot. Just thinking of the various levels of decomposition the average person goes through kind of turns my stomach. I think that's the most disturbing thing about them. You know as soon as you see one of these things, that the shit has hit the fan. Things are not well. Possible difficulties could lie ahead.
Other disturbing things about zombies? How about getting bitten? This is some unfair crap. You fight off a zombie horde, and as you are turning to flee as the numbers become too great, you get a lame little nick from a zombie tooth on your arm. Well, in most zombie lore, you are now screwed. Welcome to horrible pain, death, and then your new life as the undead. This also makes the threat of zombies a little more disturbing. Because zombies are not, in fact, all that menacing in terms of basic grammar structure, and land speed. But if even one out of every 10 gets the drop on some poor schmoe, that guy gets zombiefied too. Do I think it would happen as quickly as the movies imply? No, but I think it would still turn into quite the problem. Think about all the people that die each year over seas of disease and war and such. That's a lot of not-so-dead Sons Of Allah getting their snack on. Then there are other considerations.
I am your best friend. There is obviously something wrong with me, I look sick! And I keep moaning! You might try to help me. If you are a good friend you might. And because of that you get snacked on. Lets talk about the psychological problems here as well...Have you ever hit someone? Like with the intent of really dropping that person? Because as we have been warned by movies, damage to the head is the only hint these things will take that they are still dead. So, imagine actually having to cave skull with shovel? Makes you wince doesn't it? This first problem with zombies brought us naturally to the second big problem with zombies. There are bound to be a lot of them. We have one big cemetery in Denton. Its old, but of decent size. That's not good news for the two apartment complexes located around it. It could spread some before people FULLY comprehend just how uncool things are with the world.
This is not to say I think civilization couldnt bounce back. Im saying it probably wouldnt for a few years. That's a lot of undead ppl to sift through. Things wont be well for awhile. One hopes nukes dont get dropped either, because that is just a double fuck you. Nuclear winter AND the undead? SCORE. Because that might happen. Enough shit hits the fan? You might just end up with 10 or 12 guys at a big table deciding to press the button as a few towns get over run. We've done stupid things before as America. Just trying to prepare you people.
Some other things to discuss. Its ok to take things from stores if your town is over run by zombies. This is a given. If society crumbles, and you really need that can of Chef Boyardee ravioli or that shotgun. Take it. If society is reestablished I don't think people are going to sweat it much. If you need a car and there is one handy, just look at the undead mob behind you and make up your mind. No one will riot much, because they wont have the leisure of time if the walking masses of undead approach. Also, its much easier to shoot something than to hit it with a shovel. Disconnection from the violence and all that. If you need to shoot a zombie, then do so. Do NOT be one of those people that gets snacked on because they couldn't pull the trigger. These people are already dead! That they are ambulatory, is not their natural state. Therefore, shooting them or how ever you choose to go about it, is not wrong. You are restoring the natural order of things. Is this rationale flawless? Nope. But I'm sure it'll work wonders for you when you end up in this situation.
You all might think this entry slightly silly. And for the most part, it was intended as such. But I know what items in my house can be used as weapons, and I always have a few canned goods handy.
Later.

Pleasing the Masses

I like the new Battlestar Galactica.
I tried to get the title to my Dad's trooper in my name today, and it did not work.
I had Sonic for lunch. My chili fries tasted of unrealized potential, and my burger was a metaphor for crushed dreams.
I am poor.
I like puppies.
I think haiku is difficult.
Yeah.

Have You Even PLAYED This Game b4????!!

I'd like to have a word with people who enjoy multiplayer online games. Well, perhaps two words: Eat me. Why the bitter sentiment you ask? Because. people have a tendency to let hypocrisy rule their judgement. I am as guilty of it as anyone else. Yet, one of the few times that it really and TRULY gets my goat is when L33T_Sh00T3R berates me for being a "newb" and not mastering the game the moment I logged on. As if by some miracle, our numbers-for-letters friend was not at some point in time a new player himself. Also, I'm not entirely certain people realize these games I speak of are, in fact, JUST games. Take Counter Strike for example. While I suppose its vaguely possible, I dont think that Al Qaeda terrorists are actually logging on as the terrorist faction, while I, in my minimum wage slacker glory, take up arms agaisnt them. No one is going to die. No priceless artifacts are being destroyed..... So when I decide to break left with MadMatador and GuNFrEnZy, I don't get it when Dr.Glock screams at me to "Stay with the GRRRRROOOOOOUUUUUUPPP!!!". Especially when, minutes later, he's mowed down in a hail of cyber terrorist gun fire. And the stats these people keep! Woe and peril befall the person that
Doesnt have more than 2 kills per death. Or that you spent 30 more rounds chopping some poor schmoe's body and half than you had to. You know. because in real life all of that matters.
These are just some of the problems I have with online SHOOTERS. Let us now delve briefly into the strangeness that hath been dubbed the MMORPGs. When I choose to indulge myself in games tabletop, video, or otherwise....I like to have some sort of power. Note that I need not be power*ful*, though that has its appeal as well, it's just that I need some ability or trait that sets me apart from the NPC that just took most of the money I had earned by killing the surrounding indigenous wildlife and exchanging it for a shoddy leather cap. Thats not very empowering is it? Thus armored in the equivalent of my T shirt, pajama pants,silly hat, and shoes that are in fact NICER than my real ones..I set off to gain "levels". What shall I use for a weapon....hmm...yes this branch will do.....Sorry, I mean "club". So armed with club and my cloth armor, I bring swift retribution to all Large Rats, Skeletons, Bats,and other Assorted Vermin. After a short time, I get a level. Having received this boon for my efforts, I suddenly gain hit points, and competency in mundane skills and professions of my choosing. And what an assortment to choose from! Baking! Smithing! Swimming! Running! I make sport of this because, it seems slightly silly.
Sure, this is a game. I get that. Certain things have to be taken into account, in an effort to provide some semblance of believability. I comprehend this as well. But. I don't need to swat at a man sized aggressor four times in order to hit him once.
Im pretty sure I could hit with just the one go. Im all for the powers that be to tell me I didnt do much damage, because in real life im quite the pansy, HOWEVER, I could still hit said humanoid.
Much less a large rat. Because, well, large rats are creepy, and if one were coming at me, I imagine my proficiency with a club would rise to meet the challenge. Also, i'm not down with these quests they come up with. Go to city. Talk to merchant. Learn about Merchant's daughter. She has been kidnapped. Go to City B ( a continent away). Talk to Guild Thief. Guild Theif wants Gem. Go to City C (an island this time). Talk to Constable Stan. Learn about Mysterious Dungeon. Go to Dungeon. Get Gem. Sorry, Defeat Troll. THEN get Gem. Go to City B...Talk to Thief. Give Gem. Get Daughter back. Go back to Merchant in City A. Get a Leather Shirt, 2oo gold, and here....have another level. Did all that seem dull? It is kind of. Oh. And never ask other people on these servers for help. They are all the White Rabbit. They all are late for a vital appointment you are keeping them from. Some will ridicule you, some will be foreign, and some will roleplay a little too hard. Avoid these last the most avidly if you are new. You need to know where the Guild Hall is, not that you are a Dark Elf hated by High Elves, and that he would rather gut you than speak to you. Stupid High Elf Cleric. Hope he has to be a newbie someday. That'd learn him.. Mrmm..Grfrmph....*mumbles*

Captain Lemming and his Same Shit Commandos

Those who know me will be highly amused by this chosen means of expressing myself. I have commented in the past that I hate blogs. By which I meant to imply - I loathe them. But, it seems that many of the people I have cherished the company of over the years....have at one time or another endeavored to share the things they have thought and witnessed with the masses of that wonderful waste of time we call the internet. Who am I to deprive all of what I had for lunch? Or indeed, how I feel that the first three seasons of The Simpsons were the best, but the rest of them kind of suck? What if I feel that Relijon r33ly sux? Who will bare witness to my badly spelled and strangely inane comments? Certainly, I could do no worse than the rest of those who feel the need to post similar diatribe. I even enjoy several blogs. Much to my chagrin. So here I sit, finding myself amused....and slightly pleased with my current undertaking. Do I really expect many to read this? No. Because its just like everyone else's blog. I am forwarding no new territory, I am not climbing the highest mountaintop, and I really think the last season of Angel was rather abrupt. I rather prefer season 3 I think.

Cheers.