So i'm 26 and I feel so apathetic. I feel jaded even. It's something that I thought I was at terms with. I had played Charlie Brown's ready foot to Lucy's tilted football too often. The world is a callous place, people can be so very cruel. I had read the memo. The real problem is....I thought that I was disconnecting myself from other people's concerns because I didn't want to end up as drone like as all that.....And it turns out it's happened to me anyway. There was a brief time in which I considered myself something of an optimist. It was a very brief time when I was much younger. The world around me, and my own lack of conviction sort of bled the optimism out of me, I think because I hadn't founded it in anything....So it was too fragile. Certainly my faith in people is hard pressed to bare any fruit, because so many people act without thinking. I've been one of the people most guilty of that in my time. I guess the problem is that optimism usually seems so blind....And I guess the reason I feel like that is because I don't really work towards any end. I'm finally getting tired of my life lacking direction, and I'm beginning to think it's time to do something about it. I've always been concerned with the opinions of others. More so than mine.....Because I had sort of told myself for a long time that it didn't matter if I had an opinion. I shut some fundamental part of me down a long time ago that allows people to really get close to me. I have not treated my friends very well at times. In short, if I'm unhappy....Maybe I really should try something else. I've been using my apathy as an excuse....A way to prevent myself from trying things and failing...When really...Well, I've defeated myself before I even stepped up to the plate. I'm not saying I want to be an optimist, because optimism can be just as blind as pessimism......But even if I lack faith in the human spirit, it doesn't mean I should also contribute to that feeling does it? All I know is that I am unhappy, and most all of my family and friends have encouraged me to do something about it...So maybe it's time to do something about it.
Then again...
*shrug*
4 comments:
So, what direction are you thinking? School? Career? Something else entirely? Direction is a good thing, something many of us seem to lack these days.
You know I´m here for you, and will help in any way I can.
I miss you, man. Come online more often. I can´t go cold turkey on anything, you know that.
"Well, I've defeated myself before I even stepped up to the plate."
You've been like that for a really, really long time.
That was certainly a comment, and it certainly fit into my comments section.
Post a Comment